Balancing Dreams and Duties: Insights from Shunali Khullar Shroff

In this episode of the podcast, we spoke to Shunali Khullar Shroff, an author, a columnist, and a podcast host. Shunali shared her views on several topics related to women and their lives. She spoke about her early life, the choices she made, the biases she faced because of her gender, how she is making her dreams come true, her future goals, the importance of mental health for women, and the significance of conversations between women.

Early Life and Influences

Shunali had an interesting childhood, slightly different from most people she meets today because her dad was in the Army. They kept moving towns and living in cantonments. This upbringing shielded them from gender biases and instilled a sense of discipline and freedom. They were living in a secure environment with a strong sense of equality, and that shaped her outlook on life.

Challenges and Gender Bias

As a journalist, Shunali didn’t face gender-related challenges initially. She was a feature writer and enjoyed talking to people, interviewing them, and writing reviews. However, when she transitioned to the corporate world, particularly at Star TV, she felt the gender bias strongly. Women were judged based on their appearance, and their competence was often undermined if they cared about their looks. There were also instances of subtle harassment, which were more pronounced at that time compared to today.

Challenges Women Continue to Face

Shunali highlighted that despite the progress made, women still face numerous challenges in today’s world. The gender pay gap, strictly defined gender roles, and the significant amount of unpaid work women do at home remain pressing issues. Women who manage both professional and personal responsibilities often experience stress and mental health issues due to these burdens. Shunali also emphasised the importance of recognising and addressing these challenges to create a more equitable society.

Balancing Personal and Professional Life

Shunali made her children her first priority, taking long breaks from work to be there for them. After her second child was born, she started blogging and writing again, which allowed her to work from home and balance her professional and personal life. It’s a tough balance, but she has no regrets about being present for her children during their formative years. She wanted to be there when they came home from school, to hear about their day, and to support them.

Facing Bad Days and Staying Motivated

Shunali practices breathing exercises, meditation, and chanting to stay grounded. Avoiding disturbing content and focusing on positive activities also helps maintain her mental well-being. She needs that spiritual grounding to anchor herself, especially on tough days. Her father’s teachings and the Buddha’s advice to “not stir the sand” resonate with her, and she tries to avoid adding unnecessary stress to her life.

Mental Health of Women

Shunali emphasised that women often put their mental health last, prioritising the needs of their family and work over their own well-being. It’s crucial for women to recognise the importance of their mental health and seek support when needed. A lot of unpaid work and responsibilities fall on women, and this often goes unnoticed and unrewarded, leading to stress and mental health issues.

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Midlife Rebooting

Shunali observed that midlife is a time for many people to reboot and pursue unfulfilled passions. The realisation that time is limited can be a powerful motivator. For example, she learned to ski and travelled alone for the first time in her 40s. It’s a period when one wants to seize the day and live for oneself and one’s dreams.

Importance of Conversations Between Women

Shunali believes that keeping conversations alive is vital. Talking about experiences, challenges, and successes helps in bridging gaps and building a supportive community. It’s essential to continue these dialogues to inspire and empower each other. Conversations like these can change perspectives and encourage more women to stand up for themselves and pursue their dreams.

Tips for Aspiring Authors

Shunali’s tips for aspiring authors are:

1. Passion for Writing: Only pursue a writing career if you have a burning passion for it. The drive should come from within, not for fame or money.
2. Get a Good Editor or Mentor: It’s crucial to have someone who can guide you and provide constructive feedback, especially when developing your first book.
3. Find a Reputable Agent: A good agent can make a significant difference. They can help you navigate the publishing world and avoid scams.

Advice to Young Girls

Shunali advises young girls to stop seeking validation from outside. Invest in your mind, skills, and talent. Don’t be afraid to voice your opinions and say no when necessary. It’s crucial to have a strong sense of self and not succumb entirely to peer pressure. Also, understand the importance of self-promotion but balance it wisely. Focus on your passions and work towards fulfilling your dreams.

Future Goals

In the next five to ten years, Shunali hopes to have written many more books and possibly worked on a film or two. As her younger child leaves for university, she aims to be so busy and fulfilled with her professional work that the emptiness isn’t felt as deeply. She wants to be productive and continue contributing meaningfully through her writing and other creative projects.

Rapid Fire Round

• Favourite Genre to Read: Satire. She loves the wit and humour that comes with it.
• Favourite Writing Spot: No fixed spot; Shunali gets bored easily. She writes from various locations, including cafes, dining tables, and sometimes even from her study table. She needs a change of scenery to keep her creativity flowing.
• Favourite Writing Snack or Beverage: Green tea and cinnamon tea. Shunali likes to keep sipping on something while she writes. She avoids too much caffeine, limiting herself to one cup of coffee and two cups of tea a day.
• Fictional Character You’d Like to Meet: Holden Caulfield from Catcher in the Rye. His insecurity, craziness, and humour have stayed with me since I first read the book. She feels protective of him and find him entertaining.
• Last Book that Made Her Cry or Laugh Out Loud: Fasting, Feasting by Anita Desai. It made her cry. The melancholic tone and the deep emotional experiences in the book resonated with her and left a lasting impact.